Fifteen Reasons Why Books Are Better Than Computers

So. First off, I have spent the last four days valiantly battling with a persistent little virus which turned up, uninvited, on my computer last Thursday. It was only thanks to the magical and miraculous articles of How to Geek that this computer un-savvy girl was able to successfully root the little bugger out. Sadly, not before it seems to have damaged my Sims game, forcing me to spend the next fifteen odd hours in a joyful re-installation coma. Naturally, I spent a lot of time waiting for virus scans to complete over the weekend, during which I composed the following, in honour of my pesky little friend. It was written during the brief intervals when I wasn't trying to rip my hair off my head patch by patch. Here's to you, you rotten little bugger, and may you rot in hell.

Fifteen Reasons Why Books Are Better Than Computers.

1.) Books don't take ten minutes to load and, when they're done, demand you do a full virus scan and reboot.
2.) Books never crash.
3.) You don't have to spend three hours a week backing up your books.
4.) Books don't require a plethora of different passwords in order to access them which, after you've entered them, you promptly forget, and spend the next three hours trying to recall.
5.) If books took over the world, the worst you'd be able to say would be that we'd all be incredibly verbose and intelligent. If computers took over the world, we'd only be able to communicate in ones and zeroes.
6.) A good book is hard to put down, but a good computer is impossible to pick up.
7.) You don't need to take a book to the repair shop if you accidentally drop it in the pool.

8.) From books one can learn of the many subtle beauties of language. On comptrs, u lrn 2 type lk ths. (lol, totes! rofl.)
9.) Books never download bizarre intercontinental viruses created by some computer nerd in Brazil with a cold heart and way too much time on his hands which, when secretly installed, send you to websites selling tampons and black-market Viagra.
10.) Dymock's, Barnes&Noble and WHSmith are all still cheaper than PC World.
11.) When buying a book you are never bombarded with long, foreign technical words including RAM, processor and disk, by a condescending 16-year old salesperson.
12.) Have you ever seen a supervillain attempt to blow up the world with his handy paperback?
13.) Books are still useful after five hundred years. Computers are redundant after five minutes.
14.) You are never forced to upgrade to a 'newer version' of a book.
15.) You don't need a thick User Manual, usually written in seventy-six elusive foreign languages - including Swahili and Ancient Tibetan - but not English, to read a book.